young widow lookin for someone who understands

i'm 34 yrs. old and i lost my husband 3 yrs. ago when his suppose to be best friend killed him leaving behind me and four girls. i turned to drugs to try to deal but now i'm clean for 2 yrs. and the pain is not any easier. people tell me to move on but i feel like he will walk in the door and i don't think i'll ever be ready to move on. i know every man i meet i will compare him to my husband and i dont think they could measure up to him. i'm not sure how people who have been married 30 yrs + handle it will they lose their loved one. my heart and prayers go out to all of you and thank you for listening. god bless. here is a picture of my beloved late husband